Iqra’i

Will is liveblogging over there.

(Roll call starts here.)

This post is done; I’m making dinner, and when I come back I’ll have a new one. Ta!

5:08pm The call to order is coming from a large Texas lady whose name C-SPAN won’t spell.

5:09pm Oh, Leticia Van de Putte.

5:10pm Van de Putte reminds us that Ginger Rogers did everything backwards and in heels. Is that a jab at Obama?

5:11pm Howard Dean comes on stage. He looks like a thumb.

5:17pm Computer issues means I miss the invocation from the Greek Orthodox archbishop. He had a fantastic beard, though.

5:20pm Nancy Pelosi comes on stage. She gets very little applause, and compared to Michelle and Hillary she looks like someone’s grandmother.

5:21pm Dolores Huerta, co-founder of the United Farm Workers Union, is making the nominating speech for Hillary. She’s also the mother of eleven.

5:24pm Huerta and Van de Putte both make a point of addressing Latino voters. Is the polling actually that close? 

5:25pm Dolores Huerta is so dull. I want a floor-fight. Or a beer.

5:26pm Huerta nominates HRC “on behalf of all women.” Can I opt out of identity politics, or is that a mandate too?

5:29pm God damn, can we stop with this “women couldn’t vote” meme? Neither could black people, and you don’t see Obama harping on it.

5:31pm Hillary’s campaign means that her supporters are “personally empowered.” Well, that’s clearly qualification for the highest office in the country. Self-esteem in every pot!

5:35pm Ken Salazar — bolo tie count up to 3.

5:42pm Florida congresswoman manages to put support for Israel and “all our interests” in the same sentence. J-Mearsh, where are you?

5:45pm I hate it when they refer to someone as “the next President of the United States.” It always feels like tempting fate.

5:48pm Nancy Pelosi looks like she’s about to cry.

5:49pm Roll call begins. Watching for Delegate Dave in the Texas delegation.

5:50pm Oh, God, are they all going to give little blurbs about how awesome their own states are? I may need another beer.

Delegate vote counts:

Alabama: 48 for Obama, 5 for Clinton. 

Alaska: 3 for Clinton, 15 for “the next President of the United States, Barack Obama.”

American Samoa (American Samoa has a vote?) (American Samoa doesn’t speak English?): 9 for Obama.

The great state of Arizona, “the land of blue skies”: 40 for Obama, 27 for Clinton.

Arkansas verbally fellates the Clintons, follows the call for unity: 47 for Obama.

California cheers raucously because they have 441 votes, and are home to the most “dynamic, diverse, and talented people,” blah blah blah, then passes. (Will speculates that it’s because Clinton won the state, and they don’t want to put her ahead of Obama in the tally.)

Colorado: 55 for Obama, 15 for Clinton.

Connecticut apparently had the first written Constitution in North America. (De Maistre cringes.) 38 for Obama, 21 for Clinton.

The Delaware chairman sounds like he’s from New Yawk. 23 for Obama.

Democrats Abroad (who appear to be in Colorado, but I’m not judging): 2.5 for Clinton, 8.5 for Obama. I didn’t know you could do half votes.

DC gets a vote here. Not so much in reality. (Also, Eleanor Holmes Norton is awesome.) “On behalf of 600,000 American citizens who seek equal treatment as American citizens, who pay federal taxes and support the government of the United States, who have fought and died in every war — including the war that established the United States of America, proudly cast 33 votes for the cosponsor of the DC Voting Rights Act, the next President of the United States, Barack Obama, and proudly cast 7 votes for Senator Hillary Clinton.”

Florida believes in “one vote for one person.” Except in Palm Beach County. 136 for Obama, 51 for Clinton, 1 abstention. Alice Travis Germond smarms in welcome.

Georgia praises statesmen like Jimmy Carter: 18 for Clinton, 82 for Obama.

Guam is asked to repeat the vote. Because it’s loud? Or because their spokeswoman has a really heavy accent? You be the judge. Or, actually, unless you’re watching C-SPAN, you probably have to take my word for it. It’s the second one. 4 for Obama, 3 for Clinton.

Hawaii: 26 for Obama, 1 for Hillary. Ouch. That’s sort of like leaving a ten-cent tip.

Idaho reinforces my conviction that the lamer the state, the longer they talk about how awesome they are: 3 for Clinton, 20 for “our adopted favorite son,” Barack Obama. 

Illinois passes.

The next Lieutenant Governor of Indiana (and won’t he be embarrassed if he loses?) announces 6 votes for Clinton, 75 for Obama.

Iowa: 48 for Obama, 9 for Clinton.

Kansas, “the birthplace of the grandparents of Barack Obama and the home of Barack Obama’s mama,” needs to stop being so precious: 6 for Clinton, 34 for Obama.

Kentucky is working hard to turn the bluegrass blue. I thought that was the point of bluegrass. (Or is it like the Holy Roman Empire, which is neither holy, Roman, nor an empire?) 24 for Clinton, 36 for Obama.

Louisiana does not articulate in listing their cuisine accomplishments, so I briefly think they’re claiming Dumbo as a native son: 43 for Obama, 7 for Clinton.

I miss Maryland and Maine because the dogs have opened the kitchen trashcan and must be half-heartedly scolded before I run back to the TV. 

Massachusetts won’t shut up about their sports teams: 52 for Clinton, 65 for Obama.

Michigan loudly votes: 125 for Obama, 27 for Clinton.

Minnesota has a winning women’s hockey team and a high voter turnout. Also, they’re proud of Humphrey. Is that really the historical precedent you want to go for? 8 for Clinton, 78 for Obama.

Spontaneous chanting of “yes we can” from the floor. Alice Travis Germond looks like her face is going to fall off.

Mississippi: 8 for Hillary, 33 for Obama. Except I think he said Obamer. O’Bomber? That would be an awesome name.

Missouri (Missour-ah): 6 for Clinton, 82 for Obama.

Montana: Just. Keeps. Talking. Also, home of the first woman elected to Congress. And last, but not least, the home of their governor. Who spoke last night. Oh my god, just give us the numbers. …and the home of two Senators. (No, really?) 7 for Clinton, 18 for Obama.

Nebraska is home of William Jennings Bryan, who got the nomination in Denver 100 years ago. Again, not the historical precedent you’re going for. Though I’d pay good money for a Cross of Gold speech. 28 for Obama, 3 for Clinton. 

Nevada is home to Harry Reid. Personally, I’d go for the gambling and prostitution. 8 for Clinton, 25 for Obama, because he wants to keep nuclear waste out of Yucca Mountain. (Will: “Where do you want to put it?”)

New Hampshire is home to a bunch of people too. Oh my god, stop listing every person ever from your state. Also, they’ve come for the prestigious hilltops of New Hampshire to cast 30 votes for Obama. Hint: If you’re going to quote MLK, try not to be a pasty white guy in his sixties.

New Jersey unanimously votes for Obama: 127. More spontaneous “yes we can” from the floor. 

New Mexico interrupts Alice Travis Germond to extol the virtues of the Hispanic vote, then interrupts itself midsentence to yield to Illinois. Only then he doesn’t. I’m confused. More beer. He sounds like a monster truck rally announcer.

Illinois has a candidate city for the 2016 Summer Olympics. But do they have a little girl who’s cute enough to sing the national anthem? …and they yield to New York.

New York is the home of Hillary Clinton. (If you weren’t aware.) Alice Travis Germond looks like she wants to eat Mayor Daley’s face. Hillary is standing right there in a lovely turquoise suit, and seems to be smiling for real. The guy with the microphone calls on her to make a presentation. She sounds good: “with eyes firmly fixed on the future, in the spirit of unity, with the goal of victory, let’s declare together right here, right now, that Barack Obama is our candidate, and he will be our President.”

6:45pm Hillary moves that the convention suspend the roll call, and that Obama be selected by acclamation as the nominee. A spontaneous chant of “Hillary” goes up from the crowd, and she gives Charlie Rangel a thumbs up. 

6:47pm Nancy Pelosi still looks like she’s going to cry. Everyone seconds Hillary’s motion. If this were CNN, the sound meter would be through the roof.

6:48pm Pelosi doesn’t exactly give anyone a chance to vote no, but the music swells.

6:49pm The swelling music is Love Train?!?!? 

6:50pm Hillary moves through the crowd, smiling and shaking hands. She looks genuinely happy. I’m tearing up a little. I’m such a girl.

6:51pm Pelosi informs us that Obama has accepted the nomination, then a sound tech sticks his head in and asks her to say it again in a minute because the mike wasn’t on.

6:52pm Pelosi v.2 informs us that Obama has accepted the nomination, and will make an acceptance speech tomorrow. The sound tech is happily absent.

…and now I’m going to go make dinner. Schumer can deal. I’ll be back, with more beer and more snark, in a little while.