Iqra’i

We all know that Titus Andronicus was Shakespeare’s Tarantino play, but now someone has put Pulp Fiction in iambic pentameter.

Julius:
           Your pardon; did I break thy concentration?
           Continue! Ah, but now thy tongue is still.
           Allow me, then, to offer a retort.
           Describe Marsellus Wallace to me, pray.

Brett:
           What?

Julius:
           What country dost thou hail from?

Brett:
           What?

Julius:
           Thou sayest thou dost hail from distant What!
           I know but naught of thy strange country What.
           What language speak they in the land of What?

Brett:
           What?

Julius:
           English, base knave, dost thou speak it?

Brett:
           Aye!

Julius:
           Then hearken to my words and answer them!
           Describe to me Marsellus Wallace!

Brett:
           What?

(JULIUS presses his knife to BRETT’s throat)

Julius:
           Speak ‘What’ again! Thou cur, cry ‘What’ again!
           I dare thee utter ‘What’ again but once!
           I dare thee twice and spit upon thy name!
           Now, paint for me a portraiture in words,
           If thou hast any in thy head but ‘What’,
           Of Marsellus Wallace!

Brett:
           He is dark.

Julius:
           Aye, and what more?

Brett:
           His head is shaven bald.

Julius:
           Hath he the semblance of a harlot?

Brett:
           What?

(JULIUS strikes with his blade and BRETT cries out)

Julius:
           Hath he the semblance of a harlot?

Brett:
           Nay!

Julius:
           Then why didst thou attempt to bed him thus?

Brett:
           I did not!

Julius:
           Aye, thou didst! O, aye, thou didst!
           Thou sought to rape him like a chattel whore!
           And sooth, Lord Wallace is displeased to bed
           With aught save Lady Wallace, whom he wed.